Thursday 27 November

I'm back with my tail between my legs. Seriously when will I learn? I'm back because I tried the diet- I EXCELLED at the diet - 1500 calories every day (some left) no matter what, I exercised 6 days a week, I went running, I did a workout at 6pm on a Saturday night in 35 degree heat on the tiles in front of the kitchen. Then I went away. And I had a mini freak out about not being able to weigh my food, which turned into all around excitement about being able to eat WHATEVER I wanted.. and led to coming on 2 WEEKS of crappy eating. I was getting lean, I was losing weight but at the end of the day it's not MAINTAINABLE. Why can't I realise this? I keep saying to myself 'oh but you've got to learn these lessons' I think I'm learning the wrong lesson. Anyway. I've been watching a lot of Jess Ainscough on Youtube and I've also spoken to my friend about her wedding diet and she said 'no matter how hard you work you won't be happy about how you look anyway' and it made me realise that's so true. If I don't learn to love myself now I won't love myself no matter how thin I look. I really expect that being lean will make my life easier somehow, that my outward appearance affects my inward being - and I know that just isn't the truth. I need to work on my self and my soul, not on my body. It's just a vessel.

Anyway, that's it from me for now. I'm tired and have work tomorrow early, but I am going back to Intuitive Eating. It's the only thing that stops that incessant desire for food - so eating when hungry, stopping when full and eating exactly what it is I want. Hopefully by 8 weeks time for my wedding I will have gotten over the typical eating all I can in my face at once and I'll have balanced out.

Day 18 Intuitive Eating Journal & Day 6 12WBT

Wow, I feel amazing. Today was a stinker - it was so hot I just felt like a big lump. But I managed to do a workout while waiting for my treat meal (Lite & Easy pumpkin lasagne) to cook in the oven. It was FULL ON. But I'm so proud of myself. I've definately come a long way from the person I used to be. I used to throw in the towel so quickly. "It's too hot to workout today, I'll never be able to do things consistently, I'm quitting because there's no point". That sort of thinking is SO RIDICULOUS.

I also realised today that I'm full aware of my hunger signals now. I have no questions as to when I'm hungry and when I'm not! I am definately more hungry than I'd like, but I think I'll get used to that. I weighed myself this morning and have lost 1.5kg in 6 days! It's so exciting, weigh in is next Wednesday and today is Saturday so I'm hoping 2kg in my first week. That would be the kick start I need. That means by my hens in 4 weeks (today) I should have lost like 4kg which is DEFINATELY noticable.

I'm not going to write down what I ate anymore. I write it in My Fitness Pal and I'm definately not eating when I'm not hungry. If I ever slip up then I might start again. Anyway, feeling really great about my health and how much I'm trying.

I also realised on days i haven't had enough WATER I am SO much more hungry, so I make sure when I'm feeling hungry soon after a meal that I drink alot of water.