Today I went to the gym and while I was pulling up my tights in the mirror I caught sight of my fat, flabby tummy. I walked out into the gym floor and saw my thick, shapeless legs. How sad that my beautifully sculpted body had gone, as I had suspected it had. Back I was to the shapeless, short, thick body I had for so long tried to get rid of. It is here to stay or so it would seem.
My whole set of squats was ruined, and each time I squatted down I could see my fat squishing over my hips. I couldn't talk. I could hardly even finish my second set without crying. Literally. I was devastated and so upset. What can I do? I can't diet. How else does one lose weight? I doubt Juliet would even be okay with me losing weight as I'm at a 'healthy' weight.
Halfway through the sets as I jammed the weight onto the end of the barbell I thought to myself "you're choosing to let this ruin your workout. You're here. You're working out. You're doing your best." Then I reminded myself "you have God within you. Your strength comes from the eternal, divine energy that you share with all sentient beings and all life, your body is a vessel, it's a body, it's not your soul, your soul radiates from within" and just like that I felt better.
I'm glad I managed to feel that energy within and realise it's not the outer. I have a long way to go, and yes, I can stop drinking so much wine, exercise more regularly, and eat healthier foods. I don't need to deprive myself of anything. I can be healthier and lose the excess weight, slowly. And that's what I'll do. Slow and steady, no restrictions, no measuring, no deprivation.
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