Fuck. I feel like every time I really try to battle all this diet crap I get really depressed. I know it's good for me. I know I need to do this and I know that the fact it really messes with my head means that it's NEEDED but it's just really hard. It's just so much easier to travel along in life pretending like everything is okay.
So I haven't done any study. I have a sore back and I just wasn't in the mood for study. I feel like I've been eating too much bread and stuff like that. I had a gozleme for lunch which was delicious and then 3 pieces of toast. i guess I just need to get all these wheat products out of the restricted pile. It's frustrating. I'm lucky it's winter because I'm not focusing on my body. It's really easy atm to just say stuff it I don't care what my legs look like! But I know come summer and bikinis and shorts it won't be so easy.
There's a saying "being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard." I guess that's how it is right? Difference is, after all my restricting I can't lose weight, not just because my metabolism is stuffed but because my mind is. I can't commit to it for long enough. I can't restrict myself and I guess that's a good thing.
I didn't go for my walk today. I should have. It's like my antidepressant. i'm just feeling so "ground hog day" these days. Especially because I don't get weekends, every day is the same. What a bore. I'm bored. I'm so bored with life. I'm so over having a messy house, eating foods that make me feel crap, having a messy study, having to study at all, having to put washing away, having to do washing, having a boring life. This is my life: wake up at 4.30am. Eat breakfast. Work. Drive home. Eat lunch. Study. Walk dogs. Make Dinner. Eat. Go to bed. Then repeat. 7 days a week. No, that's a lie. I have uni 1 day which I love and Saturdays are my day off. But I still have to study and I have no money so I can't see friends.
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