What am I doing and why am I doing it?

I've decided to see a dietitian. I waste so much money on diet books and programs the money would be better spent seeing a professional who can help me deal with my problems.

Anyway, this is not completely diet/food related, but it's life related and I don't believe life is made up of many different, separate parts, but instead each part is a part of a whole so it all counts towards the same thing.

So, today and yesterday have been really unmotivated. I can't help asking myself lately

What am I doing and why am I doing it?

This all started because my fiancee was really rude to me this morning at work (we work together) and later he apologised and said he's tired and stressed (he's expanding his business and it's hard work). I asked him if it was worth it, and should we just throw in the towel and give up on all of this, when it's all just for money. He didn't really reply and later my mum told me I shouldn't ask him to give up his dreams for mine.

So what are my dreams?

My ultimate dream:

Live in the country or by the beach, in a small house with my children and my husband, neither of us working but just growing vegetables, living a simple life.

That is my dream. Pretty simple. Is it attainable?

Last year one of my favourite people packed up and moved to India to be with her yoga instructor who she'd fallen in love with during a yoga course over the Summer. I was so envious. My mum says it's different because she has no parents so she could leave easily. I feel like a piece of bubble gum stretched so far. I'm not happy. I'm just not. But would moving overseas really make me happy? My fiancee would never leave. But then why stay somewhere for someone else to fulfil their dreams? Because i'm scared. I love him. I don't want to leave him. I couldn't leave him. I can't imagine life without him. But just having him is not enough and really that's the problem. Is life always going to be like this? Will I always feel like something is missing? Should I just get a real job and forget about uni? What's the point in making sacrifices if it's not for your own goals? How do you go for your own goals when you're in a relationship? I guess you just do what you want and hope your partner comes along for the ride.