January 1 2016!

How refreshing is January 1? It has so much hope, a sparkle and a freshness that I hope I can carry on for every new day.

I have a few random thoughts I wish to share..

I was reading aloud The Alchemist to James and playing with the excess fat on my hips, as I tend to, unconsciously. I started instead to rub my hand lightly over my thigh, and noticed how soft and smooth my skin is there. As I continued I realised that all this time I have been so concerned with how flabby I am there, that I have not noticed how smooth and soft the skin is. The more I continue this journey, the more I see this is the case. While I have been concerned with all of my 'faults', I have not noticed all of my 'perfections'. The way I'm starting to see it, you can choose to see your faults or you can choose to see your perfections but like it says in my book 'Overcoming Binge Eating' if you look for fat, you will find it. All that time I've focused on my fat, and failed to notice the beauty of my skin.

The other day I felt James was upset with me, and I put more makeup on and considered straightening my hair, thinking if he'd just see how pretty I look he'll change his attitude. I realised suddenly that this is not what he wants, nor is it what he is attracted to, so I went out and offered to help him with something instead, I committed an act of love, instead of thinking my looks would do the work and the more I focused on him and making him feel good the more things got better. I realised that to make someone fall in love with you, or to keep them there, you must love them and show you love them. My looks will not keep our relationship together. When I am upset with James never do I think 'oh well he's so good looking it doesn't matter' although I easily could. No. It's the things he does and the person he is that helps me to forgive him and all this time I have been leaning on my looks to fix things instead of my acts.

So we come to a new year and of course I have resolutions. But this year they're different. I'm not committing to ridiculously unbalanced health goals. I have one key theme and that is healing. My focus this year is to heal and to do this I am going to:
1. Focus more on being and less on doing
2. Aim to meditate every day
3. Continue to see Juliet and write this diary/blog and continue structured eating and continue avoiding diets.
4. Explore my creativity through writing, drawing and colouring in. Focus on creating, for the journey not for the product. 
5. Continue to explore who Acacia really is. All these years I try to figure out what I want to be and it always changes, but that's no surprise when I don't even know who I am and have lost touch with what I love.
6. Read lots of books. Fiction and non-fiction. Whatever I please.
7. Make James's life as happy and as easy as possible.. Commit an act of love every day.