Thursday 27 November

I'm back with my tail between my legs. Seriously when will I learn? I'm back because I tried the diet- I EXCELLED at the diet - 1500 calories every day (some left) no matter what, I exercised 6 days a week, I went running, I did a workout at 6pm on a Saturday night in 35 degree heat on the tiles in front of the kitchen. Then I went away. And I had a mini freak out about not being able to weigh my food, which turned into all around excitement about being able to eat WHATEVER I wanted.. and led to coming on 2 WEEKS of crappy eating. I was getting lean, I was losing weight but at the end of the day it's not MAINTAINABLE. Why can't I realise this? I keep saying to myself 'oh but you've got to learn these lessons' I think I'm learning the wrong lesson. Anyway. I've been watching a lot of Jess Ainscough on Youtube and I've also spoken to my friend about her wedding diet and she said 'no matter how hard you work you won't be happy about how you look anyway' and it made me realise that's so true. If I don't learn to love myself now I won't love myself no matter how thin I look. I really expect that being lean will make my life easier somehow, that my outward appearance affects my inward being - and I know that just isn't the truth. I need to work on my self and my soul, not on my body. It's just a vessel.

Anyway, that's it from me for now. I'm tired and have work tomorrow early, but I am going back to Intuitive Eating. It's the only thing that stops that incessant desire for food - so eating when hungry, stopping when full and eating exactly what it is I want. Hopefully by 8 weeks time for my wedding I will have gotten over the typical eating all I can in my face at once and I'll have balanced out.

Day 18 Intuitive Eating Journal & Day 6 12WBT

Wow, I feel amazing. Today was a stinker - it was so hot I just felt like a big lump. But I managed to do a workout while waiting for my treat meal (Lite & Easy pumpkin lasagne) to cook in the oven. It was FULL ON. But I'm so proud of myself. I've definately come a long way from the person I used to be. I used to throw in the towel so quickly. "It's too hot to workout today, I'll never be able to do things consistently, I'm quitting because there's no point". That sort of thinking is SO RIDICULOUS.

I also realised today that I'm full aware of my hunger signals now. I have no questions as to when I'm hungry and when I'm not! I am definately more hungry than I'd like, but I think I'll get used to that. I weighed myself this morning and have lost 1.5kg in 6 days! It's so exciting, weigh in is next Wednesday and today is Saturday so I'm hoping 2kg in my first week. That would be the kick start I need. That means by my hens in 4 weeks (today) I should have lost like 4kg which is DEFINATELY noticable.

I'm not going to write down what I ate anymore. I write it in My Fitness Pal and I'm definately not eating when I'm not hungry. If I ever slip up then I might start again. Anyway, feeling really great about my health and how much I'm trying.

I also realised on days i haven't had enough WATER I am SO much more hungry, so I make sure when I'm feeling hungry soon after a meal that I drink alot of water.

Day 16 Intuitive Eating Journal & Day 4 12WBT

I'm going to forget what day i'm up to soon.

Today was hard. I was hungry all day. And I kept warring with myself "eat - you're hungry" "don't eat - it's an old habit you're not hungry" so I just tried to satisfy myself with low cal volume. Guess it sort of worked.

I was pleased though - we went to take the dogs for a walk and ended up running! I ran the whole way to the rock and then most of the way back until we ran into 2 staffies. Anyway, that was a major goal of mine - to run both ways, so I've nearly done it already. Made me feel better about snacking on some rice crackers.

B: -3 40g multigrain gf sultana bran, 1 banana, 3/4 cup oat milk; flat white +3
L: -3 2 gf toast with 25g avo, 20g lite cream cheese, 1 fried egg +2
S: -3 200g rockmelon, 50g sheeps milk yogurt +2
S2: -3 3 rice crackers, 1.5 pc sweet potato +1
S3: -2 BULLA choc coated ice cream +3
D: -3 200g (raw) chicken breast, cooked, 3 cups salad no dressing, 180g brocollini & asparagus steamed. +2

Anwyay, pretty healthy day and i'm glad I tracked the bulla ice cream and made up for it with my dinner so it fit in to my day!

Day 5 12wbt tomorrow - my exercise has been amazing - repeat this week and I'll be cheering!

Day 15 Intuitive Eating Journal

Today was great. I actually had one moment where all of a sudden I realised I was quite hungry and I thought 'I can't do this - being hungry that is - it's so hard' but then I realised I'd let myself get too hungry and really, I'm just paying attention to my appetite and not starving at all!

B: -2 40g freedom foods sultana bran, 3/4 cup oat milk, 1 banana +3
S: -2 flat white +2
L: -3 2 pc gf toast with light cream cheese, tin salmon, cucumber & dilL; TEA +3
S: -3 100g greek yogurt, 1 green apple grated +2
Michelle BRidges workout - I died!
D: -3 pc baguette with smoked trout, 2 oysters, v small pc beef fillet, rocket salad, grilled medit. veg. +2; 1 glass wine

 

Day 14 Intuitive Eating Journal

Today was good. I felt in control most of the day - although for a little bit I was thinking 'oh what a long journey ahead, I wonder if I can do it and replaying all the times I haven't been able to before' but I know I can! Anyway, it made me realise that although my wedding is at the end of January I need to have shorter goals to keep me going. I'm still unsure about my hunger factors but I'm definately getting better. So my short term goals are:

1. I can only try on my wedding dress once I reach 63.9kg - 2kg loss & should be on 19.11 or before.
3. Hen's Night on 29 November (exactly one month and 2 days away)
3. Christmas Day on 25 December (exactly 7 weeks and 5 days away)


B:  - 3 2 GF weetbix with the crumbles from the bag, so really 3, oat milk, banana +1 half hour later a flat white +2
S: -2 paleo banana bread, cup of tea with oat milk +2
L: -3 2 GF toast with lite cream cheese, 100g tinned salmon, cucumber and dill +3
S: -2 half an apple +3
D: -3 150g flat head with salad and 1/4 cup sweet potato +2

Pretty happy with myself because in the past 2 weeks I've really consciously paid attention to my hunger and not eaten when I'm not hungry - I've definately gotten out of the habit of just eating all the time! 

Day 13 Intuitive Eating Journal

I went out to dinner last night and forgot about my diary! I had a shocking day to begin with - weighed myself and weigh 65.9!! I couldn't believe it. That's the most I've weighed in SO LONG. I don't know what's going on. I suddenly questioned all this intuitive eating stuff, but then I thought about it and I remember at the beginning expecting a little weight gain - for the first time ever I'm giving myself permission to eat whatever I want, so of course I've been choosing less healthy options. I had 2 waffle cones last week with 2 scoops of gelato each time, I had 3 or 4 of those bulla choc coated ice creams, plus I had the vegan chocolate brownie thing.. and I had 2 cupcakes saturday and 3 glasses of champagne, plus little puff pastry squares, so really I should be happy I didn't put on more! Anyway, I'm focused this week, I've committed to the 12wbt workouts, to be honest I am calorie counting as well to hit 1500 BUT my main thing is appetite and eating what I really want, so I will be okay going over the cals if I'm really hungry and my body asks for it.

B: -2 2 gluten free weetbix, 1/4 cup muesli, 3/4 cup rice milk, 1 banana +3
S: -3 flat white +1
L: (half hour later) -3 2 x gluten free toast with 100g red tinned salmon, 40g light cream cheese, dill & 1/2 a cucumber +3
S: -2 150g pineapple, 100g yogurt  +2
1/2 hour run/walk (12 min run, 9 min walk, 9 min run)
L: -3 1 cup vegan mushroom risotto, 2 cups salad +2
Dessert: 1 bite (literally half a teaspoon) raw vegan beetroot mudcake; peppermint tea

To be honest I went to bed hungry, but I'd rather wake up hungry and eat early than eat before bed and have to wait for breakfast.

Anyway, much healthier day today - lots of vegetables and got my 2 fruits in so very happy with that.

Day 12 Intuitive Eating Journal

Wow. I can't believe it's already 12 days. I definately feel like I no longer have that crazy, manic 'I want to eat all the foods I never allowed myself' thing. I allow myself to eat whatever I want, but most of the time it's healthy food. We went to the movies today and I had 1L of water instead of a choc top. At first I really wanted the choc top but I'd just had sushi and I am really determined to finally get to a fit, healthy and toned body this summer. I am desperate to lie on the beach and be proud of my body - lying next to Roxy I just felt so fat and lumpy and I hate it. I might also start tanning every day. After work Monday Wed and Fri I'm going to go for a swim at Newport before  driving home. I can't wait! It'll be such a nice way to start the day.

B: - 2 bowl fruit salad and a blob of yogurt -1
45 min later: -3 2 GF weetbix, handful muesli, handful GF sultana bran, rice milk and banana +3
S: -2 flat white +3
L: -3 sushi - 2 brown rice rolls and 3 pc sashimi +3
D: 1 pc pork belly, steamed carrots with coconut oil, steamed kale & home made sauerkraut +2 2 pieces pineapple, 3 pieces papaya & a hot carob water with dash rice milk +2

Anyway, as you can see a fairly healthy day - I'm also finding I'm snacking a lot less. I really wanted a coffee so I shouldn't really have had the flat white but that's okay.