So today and last night were very interesting in terms of learning curves. A few weeks ago before I started this journal I joined Michelle Bridges 12WBT. I'd already signed up when I decided to do intuitive eating, so I've made my mind up NOT to do the 12wbt meal plan but use the midset, the support, the forums and the workouts because these meal plans don't work for me. Anyway, one of the pre-course tasks are to mark your 'red flags' in your diary for when you have things coming up that will be difficult so you can prepare for them. Anyway, I've thought oh that's silly because I'll just not drink and i'll just avoid the food but I've really not thought properly through it. So I went to a friend's last night and she snacks and picks alot and we always end up eating lots of chocolate and her house is a bit of an eating trigger for me but I didn't prepare for that. So I had dinner with her and was hungry but after dinner I kept snacking on these wafer things and chocolate even though I wasn't hungry. I wasn't prepared for it at all. Today I had a picnic and I'd had a huge breakfast with a friend so told myself I wasn't going to eat until I was hungry but I got bored of waiting so when I was about a -1 I started having a few things then I got over waiting later and had 1 and a 1/2 cupcakes, a bowl of pasta salad, some puff pastry things and heaps of fruit (I brought the fruit). Also had 3 glasses of wine. Anyway, not going to get shitty at myself for it but I definately learned a lesson - I need to be prepared! I am proud of myself though, I got exactly what I wanted for breakfast (although my friend ordered me poached eggs with it which i didn't want but that's okay) and I left the picnic to go home and not kick on drinking with everyone else, because i knew i'd regret it.
When I left i noticed I felt a bit sad - I guess it's a bit lonely coming home by myself. That's a good lesson for when James is going home from a party alone because it's not a nice feeling for some reason. It's not horrendous but it's not the best.
Also, I went to the beach this morning and I felt like such a big fat whale next to my friend, it was just awful. I spent the day talking with a friend who's a personal trainer who did a body building compp, and another friend who lost 10 kgs for her sister's wedding and both were saying you really have to be super strict and not drink and it's hard to have balance, so it really makes me a bit nervous but i'm just so sick of being the fat girl at the beach, I know I'm not FAT but i'm not happy with my body so it's just really something I know I need to do. Balancing that with socialising will just be difficult.
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