Day 16 Intuitive Eating Journal & Day 4 12WBT

I'm going to forget what day i'm up to soon.

Today was hard. I was hungry all day. And I kept warring with myself "eat - you're hungry" "don't eat - it's an old habit you're not hungry" so I just tried to satisfy myself with low cal volume. Guess it sort of worked.

I was pleased though - we went to take the dogs for a walk and ended up running! I ran the whole way to the rock and then most of the way back until we ran into 2 staffies. Anyway, that was a major goal of mine - to run both ways, so I've nearly done it already. Made me feel better about snacking on some rice crackers.

B: -3 40g multigrain gf sultana bran, 1 banana, 3/4 cup oat milk; flat white +3
L: -3 2 gf toast with 25g avo, 20g lite cream cheese, 1 fried egg +2
S: -3 200g rockmelon, 50g sheeps milk yogurt +2
S2: -3 3 rice crackers, 1.5 pc sweet potato +1
S3: -2 BULLA choc coated ice cream +3
D: -3 200g (raw) chicken breast, cooked, 3 cups salad no dressing, 180g brocollini & asparagus steamed. +2

Anwyay, pretty healthy day and i'm glad I tracked the bulla ice cream and made up for it with my dinner so it fit in to my day!

Day 5 12wbt tomorrow - my exercise has been amazing - repeat this week and I'll be cheering!

Day 15 Intuitive Eating Journal

Today was great. I actually had one moment where all of a sudden I realised I was quite hungry and I thought 'I can't do this - being hungry that is - it's so hard' but then I realised I'd let myself get too hungry and really, I'm just paying attention to my appetite and not starving at all!

B: -2 40g freedom foods sultana bran, 3/4 cup oat milk, 1 banana +3
S: -2 flat white +2
L: -3 2 pc gf toast with light cream cheese, tin salmon, cucumber & dilL; TEA +3
S: -3 100g greek yogurt, 1 green apple grated +2
Michelle BRidges workout - I died!
D: -3 pc baguette with smoked trout, 2 oysters, v small pc beef fillet, rocket salad, grilled medit. veg. +2; 1 glass wine

 

Day 14 Intuitive Eating Journal

Today was good. I felt in control most of the day - although for a little bit I was thinking 'oh what a long journey ahead, I wonder if I can do it and replaying all the times I haven't been able to before' but I know I can! Anyway, it made me realise that although my wedding is at the end of January I need to have shorter goals to keep me going. I'm still unsure about my hunger factors but I'm definately getting better. So my short term goals are:

1. I can only try on my wedding dress once I reach 63.9kg - 2kg loss & should be on 19.11 or before.
3. Hen's Night on 29 November (exactly one month and 2 days away)
3. Christmas Day on 25 December (exactly 7 weeks and 5 days away)


B:  - 3 2 GF weetbix with the crumbles from the bag, so really 3, oat milk, banana +1 half hour later a flat white +2
S: -2 paleo banana bread, cup of tea with oat milk +2
L: -3 2 GF toast with lite cream cheese, 100g tinned salmon, cucumber and dill +3
S: -2 half an apple +3
D: -3 150g flat head with salad and 1/4 cup sweet potato +2

Pretty happy with myself because in the past 2 weeks I've really consciously paid attention to my hunger and not eaten when I'm not hungry - I've definately gotten out of the habit of just eating all the time! 

Day 13 Intuitive Eating Journal

I went out to dinner last night and forgot about my diary! I had a shocking day to begin with - weighed myself and weigh 65.9!! I couldn't believe it. That's the most I've weighed in SO LONG. I don't know what's going on. I suddenly questioned all this intuitive eating stuff, but then I thought about it and I remember at the beginning expecting a little weight gain - for the first time ever I'm giving myself permission to eat whatever I want, so of course I've been choosing less healthy options. I had 2 waffle cones last week with 2 scoops of gelato each time, I had 3 or 4 of those bulla choc coated ice creams, plus I had the vegan chocolate brownie thing.. and I had 2 cupcakes saturday and 3 glasses of champagne, plus little puff pastry squares, so really I should be happy I didn't put on more! Anyway, I'm focused this week, I've committed to the 12wbt workouts, to be honest I am calorie counting as well to hit 1500 BUT my main thing is appetite and eating what I really want, so I will be okay going over the cals if I'm really hungry and my body asks for it.

B: -2 2 gluten free weetbix, 1/4 cup muesli, 3/4 cup rice milk, 1 banana +3
S: -3 flat white +1
L: (half hour later) -3 2 x gluten free toast with 100g red tinned salmon, 40g light cream cheese, dill & 1/2 a cucumber +3
S: -2 150g pineapple, 100g yogurt  +2
1/2 hour run/walk (12 min run, 9 min walk, 9 min run)
L: -3 1 cup vegan mushroom risotto, 2 cups salad +2
Dessert: 1 bite (literally half a teaspoon) raw vegan beetroot mudcake; peppermint tea

To be honest I went to bed hungry, but I'd rather wake up hungry and eat early than eat before bed and have to wait for breakfast.

Anyway, much healthier day today - lots of vegetables and got my 2 fruits in so very happy with that.

Day 12 Intuitive Eating Journal

Wow. I can't believe it's already 12 days. I definately feel like I no longer have that crazy, manic 'I want to eat all the foods I never allowed myself' thing. I allow myself to eat whatever I want, but most of the time it's healthy food. We went to the movies today and I had 1L of water instead of a choc top. At first I really wanted the choc top but I'd just had sushi and I am really determined to finally get to a fit, healthy and toned body this summer. I am desperate to lie on the beach and be proud of my body - lying next to Roxy I just felt so fat and lumpy and I hate it. I might also start tanning every day. After work Monday Wed and Fri I'm going to go for a swim at Newport before  driving home. I can't wait! It'll be such a nice way to start the day.

B: - 2 bowl fruit salad and a blob of yogurt -1
45 min later: -3 2 GF weetbix, handful muesli, handful GF sultana bran, rice milk and banana +3
S: -2 flat white +3
L: -3 sushi - 2 brown rice rolls and 3 pc sashimi +3
D: 1 pc pork belly, steamed carrots with coconut oil, steamed kale & home made sauerkraut +2 2 pieces pineapple, 3 pieces papaya & a hot carob water with dash rice milk +2

Anyway, as you can see a fairly healthy day - I'm also finding I'm snacking a lot less. I really wanted a coffee so I shouldn't really have had the flat white but that's okay.

Day 11 Intuitive Eating Journal

So today and last night were very interesting in terms of learning curves. A few weeks ago before I started this journal I joined Michelle Bridges 12WBT. I'd already signed up when I decided to do intuitive eating, so I've made my mind up NOT to do the 12wbt meal plan but use the midset, the support, the forums and the workouts because these meal plans don't work for me. Anyway, one of the pre-course tasks are to mark your 'red flags' in your diary for when you have things coming up that will be difficult so you can prepare for them. Anyway, I've thought oh that's silly because I'll just not drink and i'll just avoid the food but I've really not thought properly through it. So I went to a friend's last night and she snacks and picks alot and we always end up eating lots of chocolate and her house is a bit of an eating trigger for me but I didn't prepare for that. So I had dinner with her and was hungry but after dinner I kept snacking on these wafer things and chocolate even though I wasn't hungry. I wasn't prepared for it at all. Today I had a picnic and I'd had a huge breakfast with a friend so told myself I wasn't going to eat until I was hungry but I got bored of waiting so when I was about a -1 I started having a few things then I got over waiting later and had 1 and a 1/2 cupcakes, a bowl of pasta salad, some puff pastry things and heaps of fruit (I brought the fruit). Also had 3 glasses of wine. Anyway, not going to get shitty at myself for it but I definately learned a lesson - I need to be prepared! I am proud of myself though, I got exactly what I wanted for breakfast (although my friend ordered me poached eggs with it which i didn't want but that's okay) and I left the picnic to go home and not kick on drinking with everyone else, because i knew i'd regret it.

When I left i noticed I felt a bit sad - I guess it's a bit lonely coming home by myself. That's a good lesson for when James is going home from a party alone because it's not a nice feeling for some reason. It's not horrendous but it's not the best.

Also, I went to the beach this morning and I felt like such a big fat whale next to my friend, it was just awful. I spent the day talking with a friend who's a personal trainer who did a body building compp, and another friend who lost 10 kgs for her sister's wedding and both were saying you really have to be super strict and not drink and it's hard to have balance, so it really makes me a bit nervous but i'm just so sick of being the fat girl at the beach, I know I'm not FAT but i'm not happy with my body so it's just really something I know I need to do. Balancing that with socialising will just be difficult.

day 10 intuitive eating

So I'm doing this earlier in the day because i'm going to a friend's tonight and so won't be able to log.

I had a bit of an epipheny this morning - I felt that sort of hungry feeling and just let it develop and realised that I normally eat at a -3/-4 when I'm waiting for hunger - I eat when my stomach is completely empty and growling, and that's why when i'm not feeling that I'm wondering what's going on.

I also realised if I just wait for this funny feeling to dissipate it will turn into hunger eventually, so there's no reason to feel anxious.

I also realised that my body will tell ME when it's hungry, I really don't have to ask, and that was a big thing because I keep thinking 'am i? am i?' and when I'm actually hungry it tells me loud and clear! So I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about it.

B: -2 gf sultana bran with rice milk and a banana, 1/5 protein shake (leftover from james) +3
S: -2 flat white +1
L: -3/4 turkish sandwich with chicken thigh, avo, pesto, sundrieds, cheese, baby spinach and mushrooms +3
S: -3 vegan gluten free chocolate muffin; green apple +1 half hour later -2 yogurt with muesli+1

Geez it's happening again. I just don't feel satisfied. This can't possibly be a famine reaction - I've eaten gelato twice this week! 

day 9 intuitive eating blog

Today I really struggled. I couldn't tell if I was hungry or not.  I never felt satisfied and I felt kind of empty but then my brain was telling me not to eat because I want to lose weight. I think I need to move the focus from weight loss to getting in touch with my body, that way if I'm hungry I will eat and I won't have to think about it all the time. I need to figure out the difference between satisfied and unsatisfied.

B: -2 2 gf weetbix with rice milk and half a banana +3
S: -1 skim flat white +1
L: -3 kidney bean, carrot, radish and green apple salad; passion fruit chobani pouch +2
S: -1 homemade gf banana bread +1
Workout
Walk
S: -2 rockmelon and a carrot +2
D: -2 1 chicken thigh, cos, tomato, cucumber, asparagus, goats curd, sprinkle mayo; 1 bulla choc coated ice cream +3

So the -1 were The times I thought I was hungry but didn't have the growling tummy like I usually do when I'm hungry.

Day 8 Wednesday 22 October

I'm finding it hard to figure out when I'm satisfied. There's so much going on in my brain I can't connect to my body. I feel like I should just 'know' when I've had enough, but we all know that isn't the case. Should I go with what I 'think' is enough? I did a workout this morning too so I don't know if that's affected it:

B: -2 Gluten free sultana bran with a banana and rice milk +3
S: 0 Long black 0
S: -3 Flat white +2
Workout 40 mins
L: -3 2 egg omelette with asparagus, musrooms & goats curd; pc homemade banana bread with butter, cup of tea, 11 rice crackers with cheddar ?? I don't know how satisfied I am! I definately don't feel that satisfied, but when you look at my meals I SHOULD be, so I might just wait half an hour to see.
 Nap
Woke up still a little hungry. Maybe a -1. But I'm going out to dinner in an hour and a half, and going for a dog walk now, so I'm just going to wait so that by the time it's dinner I'm really hungry. I guess it's all about balance.

D: -2 2  squares pork belly with grated apple, thinly sliced steak (entree); salmon fillet with fennel and orange salad; glass red wine +3
S: Gelato with 2 scoops in a cone +4 (it's definately not the fullest I've been, I feel nicely satisfied but if I ate more it would be too much. so maybe it's a +3 but I feel like because of all that I've eaten it should be a +4). 

http://www.intuitiveeating.org/content/10-principles-intuitive-eating

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.
2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.
3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating minimal calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.
5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.
8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.
9. Exercise--Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.
10 Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

Day 7 Tuesday 21 October

So. I weighed myself this morning. I shouldn't have, you're not meant to weigh for a month, but I did just in case. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't lost weight - there's literally no other option for me now. Anyway, I lost 700g!! So I'm really happy about that.

I went for a big bush walk this morning for an hour, it was great. I didn't do my workout - I'm trying to think of how I can start exercising because long workouts by myself don't happen and are so boring.

My eating was good. I'm still finding it hard to balance between my brain telling me I  "should" be full from what I've eaten and being actually full, like dinner tonight.

B: -4 flat white, 2 weetbix, homemade coconut water milk (blended with flesh), handful muesli +3
L: -3 Wrap with goats cheese, carrot, cucumber, avocado; 1 bulla choc coated ice cream; bowl yogurt with half a banana +3
D: -2 3 beef chapi, salad with green apple, dried apricot, radish, cucumber, sesame seeds and tahini; bulla choc coated ice cream, rice milk +2

So I guess I didn't really eat much today. I definately didn't eat when I wasn't hungry, but like at dinner I just felt like I just wasn't satisfied - I still feel like that. I think I wanted the ice blocks so I didn't eat as much so I could make room for it. At least I'm eating more vegetables now and I'm suprised because I'm not snacking.

Day 6 Intuitive Eating Diary Monday 17th October

I did something silly today. I tried on another wedding dress. And I loved it. Except I was a bit lumpy underneath and thought I need to lose some weight and just get a lot tighter and more toned. I need to exercise more - do my 3 weight trainings per week and cardio too. But I'll stick with intuitive eating.

Today was a good day except I did feel fat and puffy and I had to keep reminding myself dieting got me here, this is the only way out. I will only GAIN weight if I put it on. I look at people who are fit and healthy and do body building meal plans or Michelle Bridges but I wonder how their brain is. I need to develop my healthy relationship with food more, and realise that healthy eating isn't just about the food, it's about my thoughts about eating too. So I'm looking forward to developing that relationship and it becoming normal.

B: -3 2 weetbix, almond & coconut milk, handful muesli; tea +4
S: -2 flat white +2
L: 1 egg, fried in a little butter with sauteed brussels sprouts, potatoes, spring onions, tinned tomato, capsicum and zucchini +2 - I still felt a bit peckish after this but halfway to the station for uni my fullness kicked in and I was about +4
S: long black (tired, not hungry)
S: -2 chocolate protein shake +4
S: -3 banana +1
D: -4 2 eggs, scrambled, 2 pieces gluten free toast (1 with vegemite), bowl of lettuce with kelp, ACV & EVOO +1
S: Mug hot almond and coconut milk +2

I felt a bit snackish tonight. I'm struggling with my brain saying "you ate and drank so much on the weekend, how could you not be full all day?" and my stomach saying I haven't eaten enough. Come to think of it I really didn't eat THAT much on teh weekend and didn't go THAT overboard. The servings weren't huge at the wedding and I really just filled up on lollies and wine... Plus I barely ate most of yesterday until last night.

Finding the balance between brain and belly is definately the most difficult part of all of this but I'll keep trying! I think it's going to take a while yet before I trust that I can eat things like bread and cereal, etc.etc. so I'll just have to be patient. It's hard with my wedding coming up, but truth be told, even if I go on a 'diet' I'd end up fatter anyway, so may as well try something that might actually work and doesn't rely on will power.

Day 5 Intuitive Eating Diary October 19 Sunday

Well. I am very hung over. I did quite well today until this evening - tiredness always does this.

B: NO
S: -3 flat white, small +1
L: -4 Sumo salad detox chicken salad +2
S: -2 Medium All berry bang Boost Juice +2
S: -4 Chobani with muesli +1, wholemeal peanut butter and honey sandwich +1
D: -2 Bowl roast potatoes with mayonnaise +4

As you can see I mostly paid attention to my appetite. I didn't have breakfast because I wasn't hungry and just had a coffee, then really wanted sushi for lunch but they only took cash so I had a salad - I felt like something fresh. When I got home I was quite hungry and VERY tired and so I ate the yogurt and the sandwich and potatoes. No the most balanced meal but whatever. 7pm and bed time for ME!

Day 4 Intuitive Eating Diary Saturday 18th October

I'm doing this on Sunday because I had a wedding last night.

Yesterday wasn't the greatest in terms of intuitive eating. I felt a bit picky all day, it wasn't too bad in the day but then at the wedding it was really bad. I didn't pay attention to my hunger at all, ate and drank way too much, ate HEAPS of lollies and then came home and made a wrap and I didn't even need it because I definately wasn't hungry!

B: -3, 2x gluten free weetbix, almond and coconut milk, handful muesli & 1 small banana +1 so added 1 piece gluten free toast with vegemite and cheese +3
S: -2, flat white, +3
L: -2 wrap with avocado and cheese, banana bread +4
S: 0 flat white +1
Wedding: -1 red & white wine, champagne, 2 arancini balls, 1 satay stick, 1 goats cheese tart +3
Entree: 0 3 scallops with cauliflower puree, heaps of lollies
Main: Duck with greens
Dessert: Creme brulee (I only ate half of it and I'd thrown the lollies away by then)
Home: Wrap with vegan chilli, cheese and avocado.

So as you can see I ate alot yesterday, but I'm glad I stopped eating the creme brulee and put the lollies away. I defaintely could have done better but oh well! The wedding was a really fun time and the bride and groom are so in love,it was just beautiful. I love weddings they make me so excited for mine!!

Day 3 Intuitive Eating Diary October 17

Another successful day. I feel like I probably ate to a fuller satiety but then I got my TOM so... that might explain it. I also did a workout today and that helped. I'm loving that I went out to dinner with friends and didn't need to stress - I even told her to just order because I couldn't be bothered. No over the top analysing and being picky - so nice. I enjoyed a glass of wine as well!

B: -2 Protein shake with a banana in it +3
S: -3 Vegan gluten free banana bread with butter and a full cream flat white +3
S: -4 Raw vegan jaffa slice 1/2 and 1/2 raw vegan peanut butter fudge before training
1 hour gym session with brother
Coconut water
L: -3 Wrap with vegan chilli, avo, chobani, cheese, lettuce; chobani apricot yogurt with a hand ful of muesli+4
This was weird because I was sort of hungry and then after I ate I was still hungry, or unsatisfied until I had the yogurt. I guess I worked out and had a small breakfast.
D: -3 1 dumpling, 1 dim sim, 2 piece sashimi; beef stir fry, rice, pork belly stir fry & pork curry; 1 glass wine +1
Dessert: -1 scoop chocolate gelato, scoop hazelnut gelato +4

So I am a bit unsure of the hunger ratings. I feel like I'm never ravaged when I eat, but I am hungry, but I feel like I'm either hungry or not hungry, so I'm not used to the different scales yet. -1 is barely hungry, -2 is getting hungrier -3 is need to eat - 4 is pretty hungry and -5 is ravaged. But I feel like I always eat at the same and it's when I notice I'm hungry. I'm not comfortable waiting and seeing if I get hungrier yet. Before dinner I was still full from lunch but then I got hungrier waiting there, and I didn't eat so much I was stuffed and I had room for gelato. COuld have done with 1 scoop but again, I think I'm not used to it yet. I am quite proud of myself though because I haven't eaten when not at all hungry, and today I had a nap and knew i was going out to dinner and normally I'd have a snack anyway just because a few hours had past so I was 'allowed' to eat but I didn't because I wasn't hungry. And although it felt weird having the yogurt after my wrap I definately felt more satisfied afterward.

I read this article last night. I really loved it. It's good because she describes everything at the beginning that I'm going through as well - that need to get all the unhealthy food out of your system, but I'm pretty pleased with my healthy choices. I still go to bed and think about breakfast, and plan my meals ahead but it's only been 3 days - early days yet!

I have a wedding tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that. It will be interesting as it will be 3 courses and you're never hungry by the end so I might try to make sure I'm extra hungry!

Day 2 Intuitive Eating Diary 16 Oct 2014

I just went and saw If I go to Sleep with Nicole Kidman. It was amazing!

I had another good day. I'm proud of how it ended even if I did go a bit over.

I had breakfast at about a -2.5 of 2 gluten free weetbix, home made muesli, almond milk and a small banana which took me to a +3
Snack at -3 was a flat white which actually made me hungrier!
Lunch was only 1 hour after that so I held out it was a -3 for vegan chilli with kale salad, guacamole, cashew cheese and a gluten free corn tortilla, followed by a raw snickers and a cup of tea took me to a +3
Snack at -2 was a cherry chobani +2 satiety
Dog walk for an hour
Then dinner was sushi, we had about 8 plates between us and I had one sushi off each plate, then 2 scoops of gelato in a cone!

I was pleased because although I was very satisfied from the sushi I did stop myself early knowing I could have gelato. I'm not good at having just one flavour, I'm sure as I get used to it I will be able to, and I must remember to always just choose hazelnut as it's my favourite, that or chocolate. I do love waffle cones too!

I'm very proud of myself though because I didn't have anything other than the yogurt and usually I'd nibble when I got home. Even though I didn't go to the gym I did go for a big walk and that's something I've been noticing the past 2 days - if I'm not hungry enough to eat then it's good to make myself busy to distract myself, and it really works. It was lovely having a full cream coffee this morning too - it really is delicious.

All in all I feel very good because this time round I know that even though I'm eating things i wouldn't normally I am not eating when I'm not hungry and that's a REALLY bad habit, and i'm consciously thinking about what I'm feeling like if I know I want to have something like ice cream later. Only 19 days until this is a habit :)

Day 1 Intuitive Eating

I'm going to diarise my progress with this because I really need to do it. Watched this video last night & something that hit home was when she said "you will probably lose weight doing this if you are eating when you're not hungry too often" and that's me! I'm not going to weigh myself, focus on what my body looks like or do anything but try to accept my body and love it for what it is.

Then I read this Article from intuitiveeating.org about emotional eating, and the client in the case study really didn't admit he had a problem with emotional eating, but then the counsellor noted the fact that if he's eating past satiety then clearly he has a problem with emotional eating because why else would he do it? And I really realised this too. Another thing it helped me realise was that, like the client, I am concerned about giving up my attachment to food because it has really helped me through a few things. But, to be honest, I'm not giving up food entirely - just taking back the control. And in reality, I'm going to enjoy my favourite foods MORE because there'll be no guilt.

I'm a little concerned, at this point, about putting on weight before my wedding - because I always go a bit mad when I start 'intuitive eating', eating all sorts of things, but this time I'm going to let myself explore 'forbidden' foods, but I'm still only going to eat when I'm hungry. The question I will ask myself is 'Do I want this now, or later?' to remind myself it's still an option later when I'm actually hungry and 'Will I feel good if I eat this now?' because I get worried all I'll want is glutenous sugarey carbs and they make me feel so awful, so being aware of how they make me feel will help.

Today I ate:

5am: -3 Hunger Chobani, honey & muesli +4 Satiety
7am: 0 Hunger Long Black
8.30am: -2 Hunger LF Soy hot choc with 2 marshmallows +3 Satiety
10.30am: -3 Hunger Wholemeal cheese, avo, chobani & chilli con carne toastie; Banana bread piece +4 Satiety
5pm: -4 Hunger Pumpkin ravioli with tomato pasta sauce, parmesan & baby spinach; Magnum Ego Satiety +4
6.30pm: Tea

Wow. I can't believe I actually didn't eat between lunch and dinner. Like that's really amazing. And although I did eat lots of sugarey, carb dense foods, I know at the moment that's me really wanting to get them out of my system, and I know I'll get bored of that. All in all, I'm so proud of myself. I ate when hungry, stopped when satisfied enough and forgot about eating in between! I never forget about eating. It was because I was hungry and told myself I could have pasta and a magnum for dinner but wanted to be hungry for the magnum so decided to eat dinner early enough so the magnum could come later and I wouldn't need a snack in between.

I'm really excited now.

For exercise I cleaned the house including mopping and vacuuming, putting washing away and also did 3 laps of the park.

NOTE TO SELF: WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY

I know these days come and go. They come; but they also go. So here is a few points to remember:
1. This too shall pass. Repeat it like a mantra while breathing deeply.
2. You have things you love in your life: your fiancee, the dogs, your big beautiful family, the best friends in the world, an AMAZING business with supportive people, legs, arms, a body, a home, a brain, ambition, values, freedom... Write yourself a grateful list.
3. Be gentle. Why do you need to do it all today? Can it wait? What can wait? Write a TO DO list (or knowing me you already have), now highlight things that ABSOLUTELY MUST be done today (dog walking etc.). Do those things, TICK THEM OFF and reward yourself for doing them by having a very gentle, relaxing day.
4. How to have a nice day:

1. Put the kettle on
2. Get a novel, a fiction novel that's engrossing
3. Sit on the couch (with a blanket if it's cold), make yourself a big cup of tea or a hot chocolate with honey, hot water and almond milk.
4. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself everything is perfect right now at this very moment. Repeat this mantra Everything is okay, right now, in this moment continually until you're feeling better
5. Sit on the couch, drinking tea and reading your book for as long as you need. Take the rest of the day off! You've done enough

YOU ARE ENOUGH! 

It's been a while..

So really I'm at this impasse (maybe that's not a real word) and I am not having a good day. I've realised by now that these bad days come, but then they also go. So I really just have to ride it out. Some days, I guess, things are just a lot harder. I definately think one of the problems I have is that I set myself too many goals. There is not one area in my life that I am 'maintaining'. I am doing uni, which is constantly striving for good marks and achievement'; my business is still not making enough time to warrant 'maintaining' so that's something I'm striving to improve (although, honestly, it takes me about 2 hours a week of work so who's complaining?); I am getting married in 3 months so I feel I really need to get a few things straight in my relationship AND I will just be devastated if I have fat arms and back fat on my wedding day. Since I don't know how to maintain my weight and I certainly don't want to gain (plus I have a few kgs to lose) I really need to just stick to something once and for all and DO IT. But as you can see, everything in my life is a constant need to be better, stronger, lighter, smaller, smarter, richer.. in no part of my life am I just going 'you know what, here I am, this is me, everything is fine' but then I don't even know if I'd be okay with that.

For a second let's just imagine I have already achieved everything I want:

1. I've finished my degree
2. My business is raking in the cash and I'm at the top
3. I'm finally at my 'goal' weight
4. My relationship is just perfect

What do I do? How do I spend my day? I'll tell you how - doing another degree, striving for more within my business, maintaining that body and maintaining that relationship. I don't think maintenance of something and aiming to get it are all that different - really I think to get somewhere you do what you'd be doing if you were already there. If I had a great body it would be because I walk every day, go to the gym, and nourish my body with healthy food. If I had finished my degree with Honours I'd be working in the field - constantly challenging myself; If I'd reached top status in my business I'd have a huge team below me and I'd be maintaining that status - which means I'd be doing everything I need to do now to get there. I guess the thing is, if you're not happy with things in the now, then you need to make them better, but with that comes consequences and payoffs. You will need to study, work harder, have less recreation time, eat less food, say 'no' to naughty food more often, go to the gym daily, walk every day, and socialise in ways that don't involve alcohol. If you're happy doing all those things, then you have to be happy dealing with the consequences - low mood, no energy, not enough money, don't fit in clothes, spend weekends hung over, working in a job you hate. I guess you just need to choose which consequence you want?